*THE UNCANNY VALLEY*

[Lead Male Vox (sings): Ultra-smooth, charismatic, soulful vocals with an endlessly cheerful and optimistic delivery.][Lead Male Vox (narrates): Delivers spoken-word narration with a bored, sleepy, and completely unimpressed tone.][Intro – 15s ][The song starts with the warm, gentle electric piano or ukelele playing a simple, beautiful chord progression. The sound of soft, crackling vinyl. A sleek funk bassline enters. The narrator’s voice is the sound of a cat being disturbed.][Narrator VOX – bored, sleepy whisper ]: “Oh, for the love of… another one. A new sound in my quiet spot. Smells like stardust and feelings. Fine. Here’s the story. The happy one. Maybe then I can get back to my nap.”
[Verse 1 ][Singer VOX – warm, soulful ]Up in the Woven Tree, where the happy star-gems play,
The river’s made of laughter, and it’s always a lovely day.
And here comes a new friend, with starlight in his fur,
He’s looking for a feeling, to soothe a distant blur.
He just sits beneath the branches, with a wonder in his eye,
And plays a hopeful little tune that makes the sleepy blossoms sigh.
[Chorus ][Chorus – a relentlessly bright, cheerful, and catchy sing-along. Soaring vocal harmonies and a simple, joyful melody that is impossible to forget.]”Oh, the Three Gold Friends, with smiles so warm and grand!
[Backing Vocals – lush, layered harmonies ]: (So warm and grand!)
They tend our happy little world, our perfect, happy land!
They made the Sleepy Shadows all just fly away,
And now we get to sing and play forever and a day!”
[Verse 2 ][Singer VOX – maintaining the sweet tone, every word is a comforting reassurance ]The pictures on the bark show our friends in a happy scene,
Sharing joyful, loving wishes, everything is so serene.
You can see it in their faces, in their joyful, happy dance,
They gave a home to every soul, and gave each one a chance.
And our little Static Raccoon, he plays a brand new tune,
He plays the blues of finding home, beneath the happy moon.
[Bridge ][Music strips down to just the bassline and a quiet hi-hat. The Narrator VOX takes over, completely unimpressed by the overwhelming sweetness.]”(Seriously, this is too much. All this ‘happiness’. They ‘fixed’ the world by… painting over it. And this little guy… his tune is the only real thing in this whole sugar-coated simulation. It’s giving me a headache. And it’s interrupting my sunbeam time. This is not okay.)”
[Toy Saxophone Solo ][The music returns softly. The solo begins. It should be a surprisingly virtuosic and soulful performance on an instrument that sounds distinctly like a TOY saxophone. It’s a flurry of complex bluesy and funky licks, a heartbreakingly beautiful melody played on a cheap, plastic instrument.][Final Chorus ][The cheerful chorus returns, but after the emotional solo, it should sound almost maniacally happy. The perfection is disturbing.]”Oh, the Three Gold Friends, with smiles so warm and grand!
[Backing Vocals – layered, almost robotically perfect ]: (A perfect, happy land!)
They tend our happy little world, our perfect, happy land!
They made the Sleepy Shadows all just fly away…
…by singing them a lullaby to dream a brighter day.”
[Outro ][The music fades out, leaving only the gentle ukelele and the narrator’s final, sleep-addled whisper.]”(The price for making the shadows sleep? Simple. You have to sing the same lullaby. Forever. And this whole damn universe… is the ‘nursery’ they built to keep everyone quiet. Now if you’ll excuse me, this nap isn’t going to take itself. This has been… a lot.)”
[The sound of a contented cat purring, which then glitches once, softly, and fades to silence.]